Your Selfish Years

I am not a stressed person. Of course I have stress in my life but I handle it well and am great at not letting it get the best of me or consume me. I am 24 and live on my own, go to school full time and pay everything myself. It’s stressful but very manageable.

One area where I seem to have little control over my stress is my future. It’s normal to stress and worry about what is to come, if I wasn’t feeling any stress I would think that that is not normal. But lately I have started to let it consume my thoughts. I startdoubting my choices, resenting the fact that I am a student and feeling stressed that I don’t have my life figured out. After all, I am already 24. I should be completely settled and have everything set in my personal life, career and financially, right? If you think this sounds ridiculous then you’re more practical than I was allowing myself to be.

Already 24? No, I am only 24. I am still in my early twenties, I am still figuring life out. I am still trying to realize exactly how I want my life to be and who I want to be for that matter. It took my a long time to accept that this is perfectly normal. I wish I could have saved myself the restless nights and mini panic attacks and accepted the fact that right now, this point in my life, this is meant to explore. I want to explore myself, explore life and explore the world. If I were to settle down right now and commit to a full time career working 40 hours a week plus being a full time student, I would eventually regret it. I would regret all the chances that I didn’t take, all the opportunities that I put on hold just because I felt that I needed to have it all figured out, whatever that means exactly I’m still not sure.

That isn’t to say that I plan on loafing around for the next few years and just relaxing. I am a worker and always have been. I am dedicated to school and will continue to be for the next few years. This just means that I have accepted the fact that I am not rising up the corporate ladder right now and that I am working towards other things. I am working on seeing the world, on meeting new people. I am working on improving my writing, exploring my creativity and finding new creative outlets. I am working on finding who I really am, on my way of thinking and my way of living. I am working towards experiences.

 

 “I’m not sure what I’ll do but– well, I want to go places and see people.  I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.”  ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

 

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